how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
