i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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