Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
