addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
