I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
