The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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