never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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