I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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