After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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