Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
