All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
