That's when you crack a 10am beer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
