You just made me feel so damn special
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
