drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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