Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
