Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
