im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize