She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
