Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
