i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
