Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
