Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
