She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My ass is underappreciated
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He shit in the fireplace
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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