hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
