Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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