erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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