Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
