i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
