Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
