I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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