I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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