I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
