I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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