Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
