I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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