Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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