I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
