You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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