I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize