We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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