Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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