She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
