I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
