Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
