The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
