I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
