his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
