the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
