someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
should my penis look like a turkey
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
