Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
