So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
