Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
