Non-Jews are for practice
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're too hungover to prance.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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