He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We have started to decorate penises.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
