haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
