Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
smell my finger.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
