i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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