It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
