Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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