I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
