did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
