My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
