i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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