We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
