Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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