i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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