Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
